hot towel

bagong salta si juan sa maynila, galing probinsya.naisipan nya na kumain sa resto,kaya lang di sya marunong kung paano.naisip nya na uupo sya malapit sa mga bagong dating din na customer,
customer: waiter,
(naisip ni juan gayahin)
juan: waiter.
customer: bigyan moko ng bulalo at kanin.
juan: bigyan moko ng bulalo at kanin.
(napakinggan nya uli na umorder pa ang customer)
customer: isa kaldereta at isang coke.
Juan: isa kaldereta at isang coke.
(medyo nakakahalata na yung customer kaya sa huling order nya ay pagalit na sinabi:
costumer: bigyan mo na rin ako ng hot towel,
(nadinig ni juan at ginaya)
Juan: waiter, bigyan mo rin ako ng hot towel.
(Di na nakatiis ang customer at kinunpronta si juan at sinabi)
Customer: ano ka ba?ginagaya mo ba ko, para kang nakakalalaki ah? gusto mo upakan kita
(pagalit na sumagot si juan at sinabi)
Juan: bakit ikaw lang ba kumakain ng hot towel???? ngeeekkk

pilosopo!

Daddy:nak,bili mo ko ng softdrinks.
Anak:coke o pepsi?
D:coke
A:diet o regular
D:regular
A:bote o incan?
D:bote
A:8oz. o litro?
D:punyeta!tubig na lang!
A:mineral o natural?
D:mineral
A:malamig o hindi?
D:lintek! hampasin na kita ng walis eh!
A:tambo otingting?
D:HAYOP KA!
A:kabayo o baboy? hehehe

Pacquiao Jokes 14

Chavit: Manny, paki - acknowledge naman si 1st Gentleman, late dumating..ayun kadadaan lang sa tabi ng ringside.
Manny: I would like to acknowledge the ARRIVAL OF THE LATE 1st GENTLEMAN WHO JUST PASSED AWAY!!

Pacquiao Jokes 13

You is!' 'you is! you is!', sigaw ni Aling
Dionisia pagdating sa Amerika..Andito na ako sa 'you is!'

Pacquiao Jokes 12

Sa isang Birthday Party
Aling Dionisia: Blue!!! Blue the Kick!!!!

Pacquiao Jokes 11

Sa Las Vegas
Waiter: May I take your order, Madam?
Aling Dionisia: Soup
Waiter: Chicken, asparagus, noodle, fish or soup of the day?
Aling Dionisia: Soup drenks!

Paquiao Jokes 10

Noodle!!
Noodle!! Noodle!!


Manny Pacquiao sa Deal or No Deal

Pacquiao Jokes 9

Freddie and Manny heart to heart talk
Manny: Pare, ba't naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Freddie: Meron. .. Manhid ka lang!

Pacquiao Joke 8

Si Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan...
Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar sa Gen San?
Manny: Ah, yun ba? uhmm...eh... ang masasabi ku lang diyan ay....
Reporter: Ano..?
Manny: Ahh, kwan,...maraming fish sa GenSan pero wala masyado umo-order

Pacquiao Jokes 7

Pacquiao: Honey, buksan mo na yung sweets.
Jinky : Lambing mo talaga. mwah !! Nasaan ang sweets honey?
Pacquiao: Yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita... ang dilim!!

Pacquiao Jokes 6

Aling Dionisia: Gusto ko naman pag nagka-anak kayo uli ni Jinky, di lang pangalan nyo pagsasamahin. Dapat kasali din pangalan ko.
Manny: Oo naman nay, kasu midyu mahirap yun.
Aling Dionisia: Hindi ah, may naesep na nga ako eh.
Manny: Talaga 'nay? Anu?
Aling Dionisia: DIOMANJI (dionisia-manny- jinky)

Pacquiao Jokes 5

Aling Dionisia: Inday, akina nga yung seeds ko.
Inday: Bakit po magtatanim po ba kayo?
Aling Dionisia: Anung magtatanim sinasabi mo? Nasisilaw ang mata ko kaya kailangan ko yung seeds.

Pacquiao Jokes 4

Pacquiao: Wala, talo ka na kahit anung gawin mo.
Hatton: Pagandahan na lang tayo ng nanay!
Pacquiao: Ah! Wala namang ganyanan. I mean you know...

Pacquiao Joke 3

Dona Dyuning: Doc gusto ko magpalagay ng breast.
Doctor (gulat) magpapasexy ka na?
Dionesia: Breast sa ngipen ba. Para umayos yun ngepen ko! Deba uso yon?

Pacquiao Jokes 2

Reporter: Ngayong nanalo ka Manny, anong pasalubong mo kay Jinkee?
Manny: Ibon syempre. Mahilig sya dun e.
Reporter: Ibon? Anong klaseng ibon?
Manny: Yung mga lipstek, pangmik up ba? Basta mga Ibon products! Yo know...

Pacquiao Jokes 1

Genie: Bibigyan kita ng isang kahilingan.
Aling Dionisia: Talaga?...Gusto ko gumanda!
Genie: Buksan mo ang bote.
Aling Dionisia: At gaganda na ako?
Genie: Hindi, babalik na lang ako, magtitiis sa loob at mag-aantay ng bagong makakapulot ng bote.

Funny Jokes Quotes

"The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk."
funny jokes quotes by, Anonymous.
*********
"Everybody is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes."
funny jokes quotes by, Anonymous.
*********
"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."
funny jokes quotes by, Ronald Reagan
*********
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
funny jokes quotes by, Dean Martin
*********
"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life."
funny jokes quotes by, Tommy Lasorda
*********
"An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be"
funny joke quotes by : Anonymous

Good and Great Lawyer

Arnold: Pare, I need a lawyer. Do you know anyone?
Bobong: What kind of lawyer do you need? A good lawyer or a great lawyer?
Arnold: Whats the difference pare?
Bobong: A good lawyer knows the law very well... A great lawyer knows the judge very well!

Balance Sheet

Teacher: Class! What is a balance Sheet?
Bobong: (raising his hand frantically) Mam, mam, me. I know the answer!
Teacher: Okay you Bobong! This better not be one of your jokes!
Bobong: Ah yes mam... A Balance Sheet... is what you get after a Balance diet!

Genie

May Tatlong magkakaibigan si yhanyhan si klien at si calvin sila ay na istuck sa isang isla at nang habang silay naglalakad meron silang nakitang genie sabi ng genie meron kayong tatlong kahilingan

(Calvin) genie ibalik mo na po ako sa pamilya ko !! (
Genie} Matutupad !!
(Klien) ako po gusto ko pong makapunta sa ibang bansa
(Genie) Matutupad !!
(Yhan-Yhan) maiinip na po ako d2 wala na akong kasama pwede po bang ibalik mo na lang sila d2 !! (Genie) Matutupad !!
(Calvin) (Klien) Gagu Katalaga Yhanyhan !!!!!!!!!

Horoscope

Sweethearts watchin' da sky...
GUY: ano ang horoscope mo?
GIRL: anong huruskup?
GUY: yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.
GIRL: ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!

The Confession

Arvin was very sick and had to be confined in the hospital. Thinking he was about to die he called his beautiful new wife to his bed...

Arvin: I feel very sick and in case anything happens to me, I feel it is best to tell you the whole truth my dearest wife.

He takes a long deep breath and proceeds with his confession... “I cheated on you in the 4 months we were married. All those nights when I said I had additional drawings to finish at work, I was actually with other women. Not just one woman either, I slept with Katy, Elaine, Kara and a whole bunch of them from work...

Bea (wife): Yes honey, I know..... why do you think I gave you that poison this morning?

Contemplate

use CONTEMPLATE ia a sentence
-La Salle: Our president should comtemplate more in improving the lives of Filipinos.
-Ateneo: We must contemplate profoundly the true meaning of being a Christian.
-AMA: Nagpunta ko sa party ang daming pagkain kaya lang contim plate

Great Letter to Disabled Persons

DEAR: BULAG

pakisabi kay Bingi na nanalo si Pilay sa takbuhan...

nagmamahal
WALANG KAMAY

2 Is to Millions

airplane
(sa plane)
GMA:ako tapon 100 piso, 100 tao saya
GARCI:ako tapon 1000 piso, 1000 tao saya
PILOT:ako tapon kayong dalawa, milyon tao saya!